Fuck, fuck, fuck and more fuck.
Here are my questions – because there are infinitely more questions than answers in this post:
Is what he’s doing bullying? Is it bullying to spread lies about a friend, then tell people that you’re going to kill yourself because that person no longer wants to be your friend? Is it bullying to tell the school that you’re worried that same friend is self harming and has tried to kill herself? Is it bullying to out someone as bisexual (whether they are or not is irrelevant I’m only concerned with the outing)? And is it bullying to lie to your mum that your friend has drunk bleach to try to kill herself and then follow that up with the lie that she has lied about her blog being hacked and she really has tried to kill herself?
I don’t know which way is up anymore.
I was at war this child’s mother a few weeks ago when he outed teengirl as bisexual and she wouldn’t address actual issue at hand, much like a teenager wouldn’t. If you’ve got teenagers you’ll know what I mean – there’s no discussion of the actual issues, all you ever get is abuse and deflection, defensiveness and lies.
That’s what it’s like dealing with this teenager’s mother.
And yet again she chose to contact me last night via facebook to air some woe of hers that I was still angry about the bisexual outing. I am still angry but I had drawn a line under it and that was that as far as I was concerned.
And there was more to her obviously not fully sober email.
This tirade was followed by her advising me that teengirl had drank a bottle of bleach a few months ago in an attempt to kill herself but her stepdad found her and saved her life. Apparently her son had told her this so it must be true. She also alleged that teengirl’s blog hadn’t been hacked that she’d actually written herself and told the world that she’d tried to kill herself but her brother (this time) had saved her life. She also informed me that I had taken my daughter to the doctors and she’d been diagnosed with anxiety and depression.
As I’m writing this I’m beginning to see a pattern to this boy’s lies.
In case I need to verify this teengirl has never drunk bleach and she has never attempted suicide. Neither has she self harmed. And her brother is at uni now so couldn’t have found her. Her tumblr blog was hacked. She didn’t write this blog. And I know this because I’ve seen her blog. Teengirl does not have depression or anxiety (although given what this little shit is putting her through I’m very surprised she hasn’t) and I’ve not had to take her to the doctor regarding either of these.
Teengirl is an artist when she is down or hurting or just feeling not so good she draws the darkness out of her. She puts it down on paper and then she shows me it and we talk about why she drew that particular image and what it means to her and even the impact it has on me.
Sadly this boy and his mother do not understand that I have a good relationship with teengirl. We have always been close and I know her about as well as you can know a teenager. I wish the same could be said for this boy and his mother because then perhaps their poison wouldn’t be seeping into my house, my life and my relationship with teengirl.
To cut a long story short I blocked this woman on facebook and then she started texting me with threats of defamation and libel and slander and all that stupidness that floundering people throw at you when angered.
I told her to leave me and my family alone. I had nothing to say to her and wanted nothing more to do with her and her son.
Because this poison seeping in through my facebook inbox was making me put my own daughter under a microscope and putting our relationship in jeapardy. I chose to plug the hole and stop the poisonous lies getting in.
Fast forward to today and I get a phone call from teengirl’s school.
Her head of year has been approached by a pupil who has alleged that teengirl is self harming and that she tried to kill herself as was proclaimed on her tumblr blog (written by a hacker a couple of weeks ago). These allegations weren’t made today, but earlier in the week.
I mentioned to the teacher that we had some problems with this particular boy, and named him. I explained what had been going on for the past few weeks and she agreed that teengirl is the least likely pupil she teaches to self harm or try suicide. That despite what’s been going on in her personal life (I obviously had made the school aware of her friend’s suicide) teengirl has been as bubbly and friendly and outgoing as usual.
But upon consideration of that phone call I realised that perhaps the school really does need to know in full what has been going on these past few weeks.
So I’ve made an appointment to see the head of year first thing tomorrow to offer up full transparency of what has been happening to teengirl recently.
I feel as though this boy is subversively bullying her. We’ve known him since he was 5 years old and he’s always been an attention seeker who has a poor relationship with the truth. He and teengirl were ‘boyfriend and girlfriend’ in their final years at primary but she split up with in the first few months of them going to secondary school because, in her words, he was being a dick.
To give you an idea of the kind of girl teengirl is this boy asked to kiss her after they’d been ‘together’ several months and she told him: “No I’m not ready yet. I’ll tell you if I’m ever ready to kiss you.” And that night she proudly told a smiley me all about it that night.
Since then this boy has been obsessed with teengirl. He knows everything about her, if she’s somewhere he makes sure he’s there too. He has been known to phone up people and ask for invites to parties. Teengirl didn’t give him her tumblr url but he went of out his way to find it. And on and on and on and on.
So now we’re back to my original question -
Is what he’s doing bullying?
Is it bullying to spread lies about a person, then tell people that you’re going to kill yourself because that person no longer wants to be your friend? Is it bullying to tell the school that you’re worried your friend is self harming and has tried to kill herself when you know she hasn’t? Is it bullying to out someone as bisexual (whether they are or not is irrelevant I’m only concerned with the outing)? And is it bullying to lie to your mum that your friend has drunk bleach to try to kill herself and that she has lied about her blog being hacked and she really has tried to kill herself?
When teengirl was a 9 months old she nearly died several times due to a severe and horrendous illness that saw her hospitalised for 6 weeks. She is the strongest child I know and she understands how precious life is and how quickly it can be pulled from you.
It’s all so fucked up.
What I don’t understand is why is he doing this? Why did he do it in the first place and why has he now escalated it to such serious allegations of what teengirl’s supposed to have done? And what the fuck is going to claim next?
Is he doing it for attention? Is what he’s claiming teengirl’s done what he wants to do to himself? Did he get so much attention from his mum the first time that he felt the need to do it again to get more attention from her?
Or is he just a cruel, manipulative little liar who likes to hurt people and cause problems and pain wherever he can?
I can’t believe it’s that last one, I do not want to think that a teenager can be so fucked up as to do that.
I’ve got to believe that this is happening for a reason and I’m hoping against hope that from this this poor boy gets some really good help, because it is very clear his mum has no idea of his pain and believes him to be quite perfect. When sadly it would seem that this is a little lost boy trying desperately to get someone to hear his pain and help him, but why does he need to cause my daughter so much pain at the same time?