Until he was 17 teenboy wasn’t really bothered about having a proper girlfriend (they’ve all got ‘girlfriends’ at school from about the age of 12 but there’s no dating or anything else going on, its just so they can say they have a girlfriend FYI).
Anyway, just over a year ago teenboy travelled to an orphan village in Uganda with the for two weeks.
It was expensive but I thought: “What an opportunity for a 17 year old buy to have it’ll change his life.”
And i was so very right in the wrongest way possible…
No, Uganda didn’t change his life it was the girl he fell in love with in Uganda that changed his life.
She went to his school and he fell hard for her.
You know what it’s like – you’re thrown together in this amazing, unbelievable, extraordinary situation. You spend all day, every day together talking, laughing and listening. And love blossoms, be it because of your close proximity to each other or because of the extreme situation, and it blossoms full and deep and wild.
Unfortunately she turned out to be a nutter, or depending on how you look at it a typical teenage girl!
A few months after they got gotether i went on holiday and left teenboy at home.
I arrived back at 5am a week later to find two teenagers in my bed and another one in teengirl’s bed.
Of course I went mental. Woke them all up and bollocked them all for their disrespect, etc, etc, etc. And was met by teenboy dissolving into floods of tears.
Said girlfriend thought she was pregnant and all hell had broken loose while I was away after she told her incredibly religious parents.
So, with no sleep since the day before I set about finding out what the hell had gone on and how we could fix it.
Poor teenboy was faced with a list of question he needed his psycho, sorry girlfriend, to answer such as when was your last period, when is your next period due, etc, etc, etc.
He had to tell me when they last had sex, how many times they’d had sex lately and had they used precautions which he was relatively sure they had but there was one time when he was drunk that he couldn’t be sure 😦
Luckily teenboy and I are relatively close and he knew that I wouldn’t get embarrassed talking about these things but it was embarrassing for him and not a situation he wants to find himself in ever again!
To turn a long story short, turns out she could never have been pregnant given the dates of her periods and when they’d had sex.
But my poor teenboy had spent the week I was only holiday so worried he was physically sick. And he didn’t want to worry me while I was on holiday so he’d got 3 very close friends over and they’d been supporting him through it.
His own dad hasn’t been around since he was 3 years old and if a baby was on the way then he would’ve stood by his girlfriend and helped raise that child because he wouldn’t have wanted any child to feel the way he does because of an absent, not very interested father.
And I told him that if the worst came to the worst I’d have brought the baby up for them both because what else could I do, he’s my baby and I needed him to feel safe and confident that I’ll always be there and I’ll always help.
Now here’s a lovely funny ‘when the girls come a calling tale’
A couple of months ago about 10pm after teenboy had announced he was going to bed I went to his bedroom and the door to the annex was locked.
I looked out the window and teenboy’s car was gone.
WTF I thought. Where the fuck is he and what the fuck is doing? Why does he need to sneak out? Is he sneaking out to buy drugs? Has he run away? WTF is going on?
Once I’d got into the annex by going out my front door and in through his purposefully left unlocked patio doors I had a wee look around – his bed was made, his boxers were hidden under his bed and his bathroom, altho not tidy per say, smelled good.
That’s when it hit me – he’d gone out to sneak a girl back in!!!
I put out all the lights and waited for his homecoming.
From my dark vantage point at the living room window I watched them both get out his car, sneak up the side of the house and across the garden.
As his hand opened the patio door I slammed the light on and screamed “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
Honestly I’ver never seen two teenagers shit themselves so much.
“I was just getting petrol.” he said.
“Oh and you just picked her up at the petrol station?” I replied.
I wouldn’t let the girl disappear into the bedroom I made her stay and listen.
It wasn’t that he’d brought a girl back, I’m cool with that. It’s that he’d sneaked her in that really got to me. He had no need to sneak her.
And his excuse for sneaking her in – she’d just split up with his best mate and he didn’t want him to know they were seeing each other.
Like I’m going to call up his best mate and tell him? Bloody hell boy!!!
So I bollocked and embarrassed them both so much that there was no way they were doing the deed that night.
And then the next night as we sat down to a sunday roast I embarrassed him all over again by asking if they’d managed to do sex last night, and told him we were all sitting in the living room waiting to hear if they did or not.
So far, we haven’t had another sneaking in incident, but that goes for nothing, he’s an 18 year old boy and I have not a clue what’s going on in his head and neither do I want to.
It’s hard work but it has it’s laughs too…