When I look at my gorgeous but stroppy 6ft 2″ teenager I see the beautiful, blond hair, blue eyed, cute and totally helpless toddler he used to be.
When Teenboy was a toddler he used to have really bad nightmares that would wake him up screaming for mummy. I would go to him hug him tight and sing to him. Eventually he would settle down and fall back to asleep. Because I had made his world safe.
I know that Teenboy’s scared about going to University. Yes he’s excited but I think moreso his over-riding emotion is fear. We all fear the unknown, but this is so much more than just the unknown.
To me it must feel like when you’re a small child and just for a second you get lost. One minute your mum’s there, the next she’s gone and the fear tumbles into your heart making it pound. It bubbles up and through you as you realise you’re all alone. And before you can even think it, the word Mummy is screaming from your lips.
You know your world will not be right again, will not sit right on its axis until your mum is by your side.
As his mummy it’s built into my soul to want to pick him up when he falls and give him magic kisses that make it all better.
I want to wrap my arms around him and pull him onto my lap as I do with Babyboy and drop kisses on his head and his chubby cheeks.
But instead I’ll empathise with his fear and if (and only if) he chooses to talk to me about those fears I’ll listen to him talk for as long as he wants, whenever he wants and perhaps I’ll give him some advice.
Then I’ll take him to university, I’ll help him buy his first food shop, I’ll help him make his bed and settle into halls. Then I’ll give him the hugest hug of his 18 years, kiss him on his stubbly cheek and wave to him as I drive away.
My mummy’s heart will be heavy as I leave him to take these first fledgling steps into his new life path. But my mind will be soaring with pride and anticipation as he launches himself into his new adventure.
Things I never thought I’d say No. 1: “Cats are not for sitting on.”