Just When You Think it’s Safe…

Teengirl was driving me nuts today, really driving me nuts. She couldn’t find anything, she couldn’t do anything for herself, she didn’t want anything done for her and nothing was bloody good enough for her!!!

And she would not stop messaging on her damn phone.

So I made her put it down for at least two hours and get on with moving rooms.

But OMG just two hours later she appeared in the living sobbing and wailing. I jumped up and ran to her, put my arms around her as she sobbed: “I think my friend’s just killed herself.”

Teengirl is just 13, how can she have a friend who’s life is so fucking awful that she would feel the need to end her life just to escape from it?! How can that be? At 13?!!! They’re just babies.

I held her and let her cry. I rubbed her back and I brushed her hair back and kissed her forehead. I listened as she explained that this friend lived up north and she knew her through another friend and that they messaged every day.

The up north friend has a shit life, according to teengirl. Her dad’s an alocholic junkie, her mum doesn’t give a toss about her and she feels like she has no-one who actually cares if she’s alive or dead.

She’d sent a message to teengirl’s down here friend last night saying she couldn’t cope anymore and that she didn’t want to live. Today, the friend couldn’t get hold of her or Teengirl to share her worries with (cos I’d made her put her phone down for 2 hours!).

I understand that teens are egocentric and woe is me but this girl’s life did sound  pretty bad and I was as worried as teengirl by this point.

I gave teengirl the phone to phone her down here friend and check that she was alright.

Just two minutes later teengirl was ok, her up north friend hadn’t killed herself, but she was in a bad emotional state.

I gave teengirl another huge hug and told her to message the friend up north and tell her she was here for her anytime.

And I sat and pondered how lucky we’d been this time – what on earth would I have been able to do to console my teen child if her friend had killed herself? There’s death and then there’s suicide.

With suicide there’s blame and guilt and fear and hurt and wishes and wonderings. With suicide there’s no easy help or advice for the teenager left behind. In all honesty there’s not help or advice for anyone left behind from suicide.

And does this teenage girl’s parents know that their daughter is so depressed, so desperate, so unhappy that she has considered taking her own life, that she sees that as the only way out of the life she has right now?

Teengirl draws broken souls to her like moths to the flame. She gets a broken heart, she understands a fragile front and she empathises with the vulnerable and scared.  Her friends  are honest about how they feel. They don’t hide themselves from each other, they embrace their differences, their fragilities and their vulnerabilities and they are all quite incredible teens.

I really hope that they all continue along their life journeys to old age facing every challenge with strength and courage. And I truly hope that they continue to support each other as they grow up, but don’t try to fix each other.

And realise that no matter how hard life gets, the one and only guarantee we have is that it will change and we won’t feel this way forever.

When one teen moves out another one jumps right into their place and worries you sick.


About mumtoteens

mum to two teens and a toddler - not a easy mix tbh. The oldest is 18, the middlest is 13 and the baby is 2 and we live a life full of love and chaos. View all posts by mumtoteens

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