High School Rumours and Teenagers

It seems all I’ve written on here has been drama, drama and more teenage drama.  I promise you it’s not always as bad as this, but it does seem that for the past year and a half we have just lurched from one drama to another.

And believe it or not, we’ve experienced ANOTHER teenage drama!

You’ll never believe this one, honestly it’s so unbelievable I’m struggling to comprehend it.  But here goes:

Teengirl has a really good friend, whom I’ve mentioned before as he has upset her already this month by telling people at school she was suicidal and depressed when she was actually grieving for her friend.

And now he’s gone one step further and OUTED her as a bisexual.

Teengirl isn’t a bisexual.   Her and her friends have obviously been discussing sexuality recently as she continued the conversation with me and she doesn’t quite know what she is.  If anything she’s pansexual (a new one on me too!), meaning she will fall in love with a person not a gender.  But she’s just 13, this may well change.

However, it’s her private business and not to be shared by anyone but teengirl, hence why this is an anonymous blog!!

Until her so called friend decided to out her, wrongly, as a bisexual to a mutual acquaintance and his friends.

Within seconds (or so it seemed) the news was round the school and teengirl was home here on Friday night in tears.  But not just because of the bisexual rumours (I think she might have managed to ride that storm out actually) but because her friend had told everyone he was self harming and considering suicide because his best friend had told him to fuck off.  He made no mention of the fact that she had unfriended him because he had lied about her and started a huge rumour.

It seemed to us both, that this was just the topping on the upsetting cake that has been this sad and horrendous month.

So I decided to do something about it.

I emailed her now ex-friend’s mum and laid it all out there.  I’ve got to be honest, I was very unsympathetic to her son’s plight and I was very to the point in telling her what her son had done wrong.

I told her her son had OUTED TEENGIRL (yes I used the caps lock) and he had no right to do this, that this wholly unacceptable and wholly unforgivable.  That her sexuality is none of his business and nobody else’s business.

I explained what a terrible month this has been for her and how her son had also impacted upon her level of upset.

I asked how she would feel if we began a rumour that her son was gay?  Would he be able to handle the stares, the pointing, the questions, the look of disgust on his peer’s faces?  Because that’s what teengirl’s experiencing.

I told her that his self harming and suicide claims were just that and that he was sympathy seeking and he should stop and stop referencing teengirl in this (perhaps I overstepped the mark here!  But in my defence I was very, very angry).

But more to the point I repeatedly explained that he had outed my daughter and regardless of her sexuality it is nobody’s business and it is for nobody else to share but teengirl.

Knowing this woman for several years, as I thought it would it has now become all out war between her and me.

She refuses (or is unable) to see the crux of my complaint.  She is all about the he said, she said, confusion.  It is honestly like dealing with another teenager.  She does not or cannot deal with the real problem and instead comes back at me with some slight teengirl has allegedly done to her son.  She has laid it on thick telling me how much her son adores teengirl and how this has been to his detriment.

She has not apologised for his outing teengirl.  She has even said : “But he only told one person.”  She has even claimed that teengirl is openly bisexual in their friendship group.  So that makes it alright?!!!!

She just does not get it and it’s driving me nuts.  And at no point in my life should I ever be discussing teengirl’s sexuality with this woman!!!!!

I want to make her see what he’s done to my child at the end of a horrible month, I want to make her see how her son’s words have already had consequences for her and will continue to have consequences for teengirl.  Because any of us who have experienced rumours at high school know that it scars you, living inside you forever like an alien insect attached to the scar.  To have people talk about you is humiliating and mortifying and changes you a little bit.

But I have to accept that I can’t make her see my point of view.  I can’t control her and I can’t control her son.  And perhaps I shouldn’t have got involved at all – although I’m not too sure on that one because how could I not stand up for my daughter?

Instead I have to teach my teenage daughter how to cope with rumours and teach her she shouldn’t trust people.

I don’t want to have to do that.

Tonight, once I’ve finished writing here, I’m going to write a final email to this child’s mother telling her it ends now, that all the discussion of my daughter’s sexuality stops here, all the arguing is done with.  They are not friends anymore and her son has to accept that and not do anything to make my daughter’s life at school any worse.

Last night after a day of tears from both of us teengirl and I sat down to try to find the good in what has happened.  And we did it, we found the good.

Because when there is pain and horribleness there’s always a reason for it and there will always be something good to come from it. 

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About mumtoteens

mum to two teens and a toddler - not a easy mix tbh. The oldest is 18, the middlest is 13 and the baby is 2 and we live a life full of love and chaos. View all posts by mumtoteens

3 responses to “High School Rumours and Teenagers

  • winecantcurebackpain

    Good for you. You absolutely have to stand up for your children. And be seen to do it. Because whether it is appreciated at the time or not, it makes a huge difference when they know you are on their side. My sister did that once for me and I felt quite shocked at the time, but actually I also felt that my sister was ace after that, she was on my side.

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    • mumtoteens

      I hadn’t thought of it like that, but you are so right!
      Teengirl has been thanking me every day since friday and I didn’t understand why.
      Now I do, she now knows that I’m here for her and I’ll back her up and support her.
      Wise words, thank you so much xx

      Like

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