They say babies should come with an instruction manual, but believe me, as a mum to two teenagers you’re gonna need that manual more when the terrible teens kick in.
Honestly, the terrible twos are nothing compared to the terrible teens. Your two-year-old throws a tantrum, you can ignore him, distract him, bribe him or blackmail him quite successfully.
When your 6ft 2″ 18 year old teenager throws a tantrum there’s nothing you can do but take cover as you watch it come to the boil, bubble over and spill down the sides into a spitting screaming mess.
Do you remember when your kids were toddlers and they’d throw themselves on the floor in the middle Tesco screaming and thumping their feet and hands on the floor? Imagine that when he’s over six foot tall and you might, just slightly, nearly be able to picture it. But tbh you can never imagine it exactly because you can never picture that innocent gorgeous little handsome toddler boy or beautiful, pretty little toddler girl ever behaving in such a way that you actually want to physically kill them for your own sanity.
But you see I can picture it because I’ve experienced it because I was a mum of two teenagers. Teenboy is now 21 and unfortunately for me the terrible teens only hit him four years ago, they waited until he was a 6ft 2″ hulking great ball of testosterone before they decided to launch themselves on the world. And the first two years were hell. Not just for me though, he found it just as hard.
Me and teenboy, we used to be really close. I’ve brought him up mostly singlehandedly. He’s a very sensitive young man. He’s kind and caring and incredibly empathetic. He’s creative – he makes the most amazing movies and music videos. But he’s insecure, lacks self-esteem and fears rejection. But Teenboy is all about the smile. He walks into a room and lights it up with his gorgeous smile and free laugh – or at least he used to.
When the terrible teens struck teenboy’s smile dimmed a little and his laugh became slightly more forced and we lost each other. I could see him, so far away from me and so filled with pain and fear and anger and hurt, but I just couldn’t touch him. Every time I tried, when I laid my hand on him with just the lightest touch he scalded and burned me and he jumped back as if I was scorching him.
A couple of years ago I threw him out (I took him back the next day!) and we began to work on our relationship and we’re getting there slowly. He says he needed that shock. And tbh I think I did too because I did not like it one bit. In fact I hated myself for it. It was something I swore I would never do and I did it because I felt I couldn’t live with him anymore when all I wanted to do was hold him in my arms like I did when he was a little boy and sing his worries and fears away, make it all okay for him.
We’re rebuilding the trust for both of us with a lot of talking and some hugging still to do (but no singing!). Two years later it’s all a bit up in the air – we are just muddling through trying to get him through university successfully so he can chase his dreams hard.
Teengirl is pretty cool. She’s a fan girl, a japanese obsessive. She’s 16 now and the terrible teens don’t seem to have kicked in, but she does have her moments!
Teengirl’s a one of a kind. She’s been described by relatives as the obvious muse for Hit Girl in Kick Ass. She takes no shit off of nobody. She is who she is and if you don’t like it or her then tough. She’s empathetic and loving and kind and caring. But she’s also intolerant and obsessive. But if she likes you and loves you she’ll break herself to fight for you and protect you.
I don’t have many worries with her yet and I’m hoping that everything I’m going through with teenboy will set us up for a much easier ride when she gets older. I can but hope…
And babyboy is now five and at school.
When I started this blog teenboy was 18, teengirl 13 and babyboy was two and a half, I can’t believe how much they’ve grown and how much has changed for all of us since then.
Much love and respect to every single mum and dad to teens out there, it’s the hardest job in the world but love, understanding and talking makes it easier – I promise (well I hope!).
ABOUT ME (un-mum stuff)
Many, many years ago I was a national news journalist (before all the hacking scandal fyi).
I’ve lived in America, France and Spain as well as the UK.
While in America (the first time) I worked on a Christmas tree farm and I can prune you the perfect shaped christmas tree.
The second time I lived in the states I worked as a freelance journalist or stringer as they’re called out there.
In Spain I wrote for an ex pat newspaper and in France I was a campsite courier.
I’ve also been a secretary, a camp counsellor in America and one of those annoying people that stand outside clubs in Tenerife trying to get you to go in (they’re euphemistically called PR’s when in reality they’re just sun loving pisshead party animals – I include myself in this description).
I went back to work recently firstly as a copywriter in a PR agency then as a senior reporter to help launch a new local newspaper. But it turns out that these ‘big’ jobs are impossible to do with a five-year-old and a 16-year-old with serious medical problems and lots of hospital appointments. So I’m about to start a new job as a part-time secretary – a job I can do easily but that still challenges me.
Disclaimer – this blog is features my own thoughts, feelings and emotions. All opinions are mine and mine only. It doesn’t make them right it just makes them opinions and these opinions might change from time to time because I like to keep an open mind. I occasionally do sponsored posts and in the interests of transparency I’ll always let you know it’s sponsored. But I don’t write about or review products or services just for the money, I’ll only do it if it interests me and/or I think my readers will be interested. This blog is a place for me to vent my frustrations at life, love and the universe not a cash making venture.