Teenboy’s got a girlfriend – a really nice what you see is what you get one this time!
She seems to be the reason he opted not to go to Camp America for the summer – a decision I’m already regretting him making and we’re only a month into his holidays home. At least he’s got a job albeit a sporadic and fun one that I found him, applied for for him and now discuss his job schedule with his boss via email pretending to be teenboy!!
But why am I asking if I’m breaking his trust?
Because his girlfriend has started facebook messaging me when they have an argument or when she has any worries about teenboy and I’m answering her and giving her advice. But neither of us are telling teenboy.
I know in my heart if he knew he’s be pissed off. I know he’d think we were conspiring behind his back. I know, know, know that it’s not good and it won’t be good for our relationship if it ever comes out.
But it feels so good to be able to advise this girl about relationships and how to handle a manchild who believes himself to be unlovable (thanks for that teenboy’s feckless, never been there for him father, who has let him down repeatedly with promises that fail to materialise. A man who has been distantly present yet totally and absolutely absent from his son’s life to such an extent that my child believes himself to be unlovable. I’ve tried my best to make up for this but that ultimate rejection is the one thing that will live on in a child’s emotional psyche).
I’ve told her not to stand for his nonsense. I’ve advised her not to chase him when he storms out. I’ve had to explain why he is the way he is. And I’ve tried to make her believe in herself a little bit more so she can realise that no man has the right to be emotionally cruel to her, that she deserves the best from every man who will be in her life including my son.
I’ve also had to bluntly tell her that you can’t make someone believe you love them, you have to leave them to come that conclusion on their own.
She doesn’t talk to her own mum cos she’s 19 and like most girls of that age she doesn’t feel she has that type of relationship with her mum. While her mum is probably desperate for her to talk to her like this.
As a mum it’s an absolutely amazing feeling for me to realise a girl has fallen in love with my son and sees all the same wonderful in him that I do. And I love to talk with her and see how much she cares for him and about him.
Everything I’ve said to her are the same things I’ll say to teengirl should she come to me for boyfriend/relationship advice. So technically I’m not saying anything to betray teenboy.
And yet, I am fully aware that teenboy will not react well if (when) he finds out. It will be a betrayal as far as he’s concerned, an major interference on my part.
But what else could I do when she messaged me? Ignore her?